How do I begin this journey?

There truly is not a “right” way to begin a journey into being ancouple embracing online BDSM slave.  It is a path that begins as you desire for it to begin and it grows based upon your curiosity and perseverance.  A great way to approach your online research,  is to take what you like and to leave the rest. For example, don’t let a structured hardcore source ruin your concept of what this lifestyle or playtime means.

What is the right way to practice BDSM?

When I first started exploring, I spent quite some time researching different keywords to bring about the answer that I was looking for. There is not a cookie cutter way to bring about a full description of what being a submissive entails.  There are some key principles to understand to set up the dynamics of communication for yourself and your Master.  Your Master will outline those expectations immediately through your interactions.  A part of the beauty of being a submissive is to watch the relationship unfold naturally without knowing all of the answers to your questions.

When first working with a Master, you will quickly learn his likes, needs, preferences and tolerance.  Each Master brings about a new flavor to the experience.

Remember that as you work to be a satisfying submissive, that your Master is working equally as hard to set up the scenario for a specific result. Although it may appear effortless, being a good Master is also challenging.

Self Esteem

Being a submissive is not about is taking a beating to your self esteem. Be certain that you can make the transition between your relationship and what it entails versus who you are in your every day life.  I will never forget an online post that broke my heart early on.  It was written by a woman that described how she gave her mind, body, soul to her Master.  When he left her, she felt lost, alone and terrified.  It’s important to stress that the journey is not about your Master being perfect, or about you surrendering your common sense.  Approach the journey your Master is leading you to as a place of learning.  A good Master, will almost always leave you in a place of adoration for his complexity and playing out his visions.

As a side note, no one can “take your soul”…it is yours for your entire lifetime.  You may experience a feeling of shedding a part of your personality and the essence of who you are during your work with your Master, but when the session ends, you have the tools needed to return to what kind of person you are.  Simply put, keep your life balanced and healthy.


Sometimes a part of the BDSM play may consist of language that you may think as being offensive.  If you find that the words being used are damaging to your well being, then you may want to re-think your choice of Master, or find a way to share with him the reason why the word is difficult to accept.  Often, you can work through the barriers that are getting you stuck.  But, also know that if a Master says for example that you are a *worthless xyz…and it bothers you, you will want to put your needs first and evaluate if BDSM is enhancing or damaging your sexual experience.


Often work with a Master will bring you a new level of confidence.  By sharing sacred sexual events, it can begin to unfold your hidden sexual desires.  Having a safe place to explore them with a Master that genuinely wants to see you happy makes a world of difference.  It is my hope that you too will find a Master that is able to bring about growth in your sexuality.

Knowing Your Place

The sooner you can come to terms with the concept that your Master is at the top and you are beneath him, the quicker you will be able to understand the concept of BDSM.  Keep in mind that this mindset may seem a bit intimidating (trust me, I went to an all female college that taught us to be strong women), but with the right Master, this concept can bring about more pleasure than you could ever imagine.

Setting Up A Time Frame For Beginning and Ending A BDSM Relationship

From what I have heard, anything over six months straight can be damaging to your sexuality.  Taking a break is highly recommended.  Since being a submissive requires you to push through your sexual barriers to explore outside of your comfort zone, it can over time bring about feelings of not having any boundaries on your sexual preferences.  Keeping balance and harmony in your BDSM exploration is key.  I’m not suggesting that this is always the case, but it is information to be aware of to prevent damage to your well being.

Here are a few sites that I explored for information early on:

Erotic Lactation.  The definition of lactation for adult play.

Extreme Restraints.  Items such as bondage gear, sex toys, dildos & insertables, vibrating sex toys, chastity devices, strap ons, nipple toys, mouth gags, remote sex toys, collars and a pleatheria of toys.

Expectations.  Topics revolve around instilling patience, managing expectations, consistency trust, and developing communication skills.

An Array of Adult Toys.  Kinky bondage toys from a reliable source that has been around for quite some time.

Taken In Hand.  A resource for setting up a power play scenario.


Good Luck In Your Journey…may it be unforgettable and safe.

Sydney R. Saige


*If you or someone you know is not in a consenting relationship and need assistance to leave I have included an important resource:

To end and abusive relationship that is harming your well being please call 1-800-799-7233.


Read an erotic novel.